The Emperor's New Clothes

Once upon a time there lived a vain Emperor whose only worry in life was to dress in elegant clothes. He changed his clothes almost every hour and loved to show them off to his people. When word of the Emperor's vanity spread, two scoundrels decided to take advantage of it. They got an audience with the Emperor and told him, "We are two very good tailors and after many years of research, we have invented an extraordinary method to weave a cloth so light and fine that it looks invisible. As a matter of fact, if it invisible to anyone who is too stupid and incompetent to appreciate its quality."
The Emperor's curiosity was piqued when the tailors told him "Besides being invisible, this cloth will be woven in colors and patterns created especially for you." The Emperor gave them nearly $1 Trillion dollars so that they could begin working on it right away.
"Just tell us what you need, so that you can begin working on the clothes right away," the Emperor said. The Emperor was sure he had spent his $1 Trillion wisely, as the scoundrels pretended to go to work: In addition to getting an extrordinary, fantastic new suit, he would also discover which of his subjects were ignorant, and which ones were competent. The next day he called his wise Speaker of The House and Senate Majority Leader, and sent them to the scoundrels to see how the work was proceeding.
The scoundrels told them they were almost finished, but needed more gold thread. The Speaker of The House bent over the loom and tried to see the fabric that was not there.
"I can't see anything," she thought. "If I see nothing, that means I'm stupid." The Senate Majority Leader, too did not see anything. "If I do not see anything, it means I am incompetent. The Emperor will surely have me fired," he thought to himself.
"What a marvelous fabric this is!," they both agreed. We will run and tell the Emperor directly.
The Emperor arrived later for his fitting, and the scoundrels held out the imaginary spools of fabric. "We have worked night and day, and at last, the most beautiful fabric in the world is ready for you. Look at the colors and see how fine it is." But the Emperor did not see any colors and could not feel any cloth between his fingers. He was panicked. He felt better when he realized that no one could know he did not see the fabric. Nobody could find out that he was stupid and incompetent. And the Emperor didn't know that everybody else around him thought and did the very same thing.
The tailors cut the invisible fabric with scissors, and sewed the invisible fabric with needles. "Your Highness, you'll have to take off your clothers to try on your new ones," they said. The tailors draped the new clothes on the Emperor, and one of them held up a mirror. The Emperor was embarassed, but since none of his bystanders were, he felt relieved.
"Yup! Uh, this --- uh, here is a beautiful suit, and it looks great on me," the Emperor said, trying to look comfortable. "You have done a fine job!"
The Speaker of The House and Senate Majority Leader told the Emperor that the people have heard of this fantastic fabric, and were anxious to see him in his new suit.
"Alright, I, um. . . uh... will grant my people this privilege." He summoned his people and instructed them to form a parade route. Senators, Mayors and Governors lined the street for the parade, proudly surveying the faces of the people. An applause welcomed the regal procession. Everyone wanted to know how stupid or incompetent his or her neighbor was but, as the Emperor passed, a strange murmur rose from the crowd.
"Look at the Emperor's new clothes! Aren't they beautiful?!" people shouted as he passed. "How marvelous!" others shouted. "And the colors, of such a beautiful fabric! I have never seen anything like it in my life!," shouted another.
Everyone tried hard to conceal their disappointment at not being able to see the clothes, and since nobody was willing to admit his own stupidity and incompetence, they all behaved as the tailors had predicted.
A child, however, who had no important job, and could only see things as his eyes showed them to him, went up to the Emperor's carriage and said, "The Emperor is naked!"
"Fool!" Everyone shouted. "Don't speak nonsense!"

* * *

So far, in total, without counting the sham of a "stimulus" bill, your Emperor and his accomplices in Congres have spent or pledged to spend $8.8 Trillion. That's $8,800,000,000,000.00. If you add the $780 Billion and you get a staggering: $9,580,000,000,000.00. Without even arguing whether or not this kind of spending is necessary or helpful, anyone with an even cursory understanding of economics knows that what they are doing is absolutely insane.

* * *

Yesterday, the Emperor hosted a "fiscal sustainability summit" at the White House. He invited some lawmakers, and lobbyists, community activists, and special interests to the White House and gave them a lecture about the economy, and then instructed them to break into "breakout sessions" and come up with ways the government could save money, in hopes of slashing the deficit, and then report back to him in the afternoon with their findings.

I'm going to write this again, just so we're clear: The Emperor, after spending more than 9 1/2 trillion dollars, lectured to us about being fiscally responsible.

"Contrary to the prevailing wisdom in Washington these past few years, we cannot simply spend as we please and defer the consequences to the next budget, the next administration or the next generation."

We can't? Where in the hell are you going to get $9.5 Trillion Mr. Emperor?

He continued, "For too long, our budget process in Washington has been an excercise in deception; a series of accounting tricks to hide the expense of our spending and the shortfalls in our revenue and hope that the American people won't notice."

I'd have to admit, he got this one right. $9.5 Trillion is hard to hide, no matter how clever your accounting tricks are. After a bunch more fearmongering, he even went to far as to claim that the government would return to a "pay as you go" system in which all new spending would require a tax hike or a budget cut to make it happen. This idea was supposedly popularized by President clinton when he had a budget "surplus."

Then, he did what all idiot Presidents do, he told us what we want to hear. He claimed that he would cut the deficit in half by the end of his four years in office.

What's worse, the lawmakers, lobbyists, community activists, and special interests just sat there and admired his new clothes. John McCain asked an anemic question about the Emperor's fleet of helicopters, and another Senator asked a question about IT contracts.

And let's not even get into the media's reaction to this sham, as that will scramble your brain.

* * *

Before the Emperor dares lecture anyone about fiscal responsibility, I might suggest he start paying some of his own bills. The president's campaign still owes Springfield Illinois $65,000.00 for police overtime and other costs for campaign events, that it has not paid. obama owes the City of Chicago $1,740,000.00 for his victory celebration in Grant Park that he has not paid. obama still owes the City of Philadelphia nearly $24,000.00 for several pre-election events, that he has not paid.

* * *

The "fiscal sustainability summit" was such a joke that Lawrence Summers, head of the National Economic Council, fell asleep on the podium.

* * *

Last week, Rick Santelli, a business news anaylist for CNBC, made a now-famous rant on the floor of the Chicago Board of Trade. "This is America! How many of you people want to pay for your neighbors' mortgage that has an extra bathroom and can't pay their bills? ... President Obama, are you listening?," he said. He might as well have been the child who shouts "The Emperor is naked!" in the Hans Christian Anderson story.

* * *

In the story, eventually people in the crowd keep repeating what the child said, and as word spreads, more and more people admit to eachother that the Emperor indeed has no clothes on. In the story, the Emperor realized that the people were right, but he could not admit to that. Instead, he contuinued on with the procession under the illusion that anyone who couldn't see his clothes was either stupid or incompetent.

We can only hope that eventually enough people will come to the realization that the obama administration has literally no idea what they are doing.

The Missing Pitbull Puppies - Part II

When the police arrived, Erin says the police hurriedly took her report on the front porch. She says the police then left, only quickly walking through the house, and asking silly questions. After two days, she realized a bunch more things were missing, and tried calling the police to report this. She says she was greeted with the same indifference the police initially showed.

About one week later, she called the police again to see if there were any leads on her case. She says there were not, and it was obvious there was not going to be. She had replaced some of the missing items, the TV, fixed the window, and made a makeshift Christmas for her daughters. And that's when the lead finally came, but it wasn't the kind of lead one might have expected.

* * *

Erin's daughter came home from high school and told her that some kids at school were bragging about how one of her fellow students' mom had robbed a bunch of houses. The gossip was that this woman had a bunch of pitbull puppies. Erin again called the police. The police asked to talk to her daughter, and asked her exactly which kids had told her about the puppies and the robberies. She says her daughter refused to tell on which kids it was, for fear of retribution, and the police said their hands were tied. It seemed they would never see all their puppies again. But a few days after that, another lead came, again in an unsual form.

* * *

Erin says she was coming home from work, about one mile from her home, when she was cut off in traffic by a truck. Naturally, stressed out by everything that had happened, she foolishly decided to pursue the truck. She followed the truck to a nearby gas station, and, when the truck stopped, she got out and decided to confront the driver. The driver was a woman who looked strangely familiar.

"I absolutely couldn't believe it," Erin said. "I was so angry. I made two fists, and said to her, 'Are you the [expletive] who robbed my house? I swear to God, I will [expletive] you up!'" The woman did not deny it. Instead, she calmly returned to her truck and hurried off, with Erin in quick pursuit.

* * *

"I probably should not have threatened her like that," Erin said, "but damn, I was mad!" "I recognized her as the woman who came to look at the dogs, and I'd be damned if I wasn't going to find them, so I followed."

* * *

Erin followed the woman to a house nearby, which, ironically enough, was within eyeshot of the police station. When she angrily got out of her car, the police were already there. She ran up on the front porch of the ramshackle house, and was greeted by an officer. Inside, she saw her TV. She was sure the dogs were there.

So I take it these are your's, then?" the officer said. All the puppies rushed up to here, surrounding here and jumping up.

"I was so happy," Erin said. "I knew it!" Erin says they dogs were dirty, and it was obvious that they were not taken care of. They were rather skinny, and seemed lethargic.

"So what happens now?" she asked the officer.

* * *

It seems the woman was rather shaken by the encounter at the gas station, and immediately returned home and called 9-1-1. The woman told the police that she feared that she was in posesssion of stolen property. Some "friends of hers had 'left it there'" she claimed. When Erin asked the police what they were going to do about it, she was told that there was nothing they could do. They would have to catch the thieves in the act. Since these people had pretended to be honest, there was no more evidence they could act on.

Angrily, she brought all the hungry, dirty puppies home, with her TV, and got them something to eat.

* * *

She got out a huge baking tray and filled it with dog food. All the dogs gathered around, and ate until their hearts were content. Her daughters were happy the whole gang was back together, and all was right. While she initially wanted some justice, Erin says she is now just happy to have all the puppies back.

"I'm just glad everything worked out," she told me. "Now, I've still got to find homes for ten more of these puppies."

Erin has since adopted out one puppy, and faces an uphill climb to find homes for the others. They are not fixed, and she is afraid to surrender them to a shelter, on account of their possibly being euthanized.

* * *

Pitbulls are a really great breed, whose reputation has been sullied over the last twenty years.

In 1987, Sports Illustrated capitalized on the media hysteria about a few well-publicized maulings with the cover at left. That led to the pitbull becoming popular with so-called "hip-hop" culture embracing the breed as a status symbol. And, after a few more years, the now well-known case of Michael Vick. Happily, many of Vick's dogs have been rehabilitated and adopted. It would seem Sports Illustrated has tried to make up for their mischaracterization of the breed.

In December of 2008, they published this cover about Vick's surviving dogs:

The pitbull remains a stable, highly trainable, and intelligent breed. They are high-level dogs who require an owner willing to give them the high amount of exercise they require. They are among the most loyal breed of dog, and make excellent animal companions.

In the 1930s, pitbulls were well-regarded as fanastic family pets. The most famous pitbull is Petey, of Our Gang's Little Rascals:Perhaps the lesser-famous Pitbull ever is a dog named Stubby, who served in World War I. In 1917, he was smuggled aboard the USS Minnesota, and fought in France, alongside American troops for 18 months. In April of 1918. Stubby was wounded in his forearm by German Troops. When he recovered, he learned to warn his fellow Americans of poison gas attacks.

When he died in 1926, he was the only dog to be promoted to Seargeant.

* * *

Abby and I adopted a pitbull puppy from the Capital Area Humane Society one year ago. While Bella has required a lot more attention, time, and especially money that we were ready for, she is my best friend in the world.

* * *

If you or someone you know can adopt any one of these beautiful pitbull puppies:

email me : jack@jackflak.com, and I will put you in touch with Erin.

I thank you for reading my story.

Stimulus Earrings

I thought President Bush's stimulus package was stupid back then. But, at least back then, I got $600.00 in my pocket. I bought a treadmill, and today I am happy to report that I am 19 pounds lighter than January 1st, 2009, when I started keeping track.



This current wave of "Ask not what your country can do for you -- demand it" finally reached me. So, what's in it for me?



It looks like most of us will get a $400 tax credit. While this is $200 less than Bush gave me last time, it made me think.



I remember last summer, when michelle obama was here in Michigan. She was speaking at an event in Pontiac, when she quipped, "You're getting $600 - what can you do with that? Not to be ungrateful or anything, but maybe it pays down a bill, but it doesn't pay down every bill every month," she said. "The short-term quick fix kinda stuff sounds good, and it may even feel good that first month when you get that check, and then you go out and you buy a pair of earrings."



This was the first time they let her out, following the now-famous "first time in my life I've been proud of my country" speech, and she put her foot in her mouth again. She promised that her husband's stimulus plan would have smarter, better, and wiser stimulus.



Bush's stimulus let michelle buy those earrings right away, while this $13 per week obama will give us will have her instead buy them on layaway. Er wait. Why stop there?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P36x8rTb3jI

The Missing Pitbull Puppies - Part I

Erin returned home from a night out, four days before Christmas to her Northside Lansing home to find someone had broken into her house. Missing, were a giant television, jewelry, some collectible coins, her daughters' Nintendo Wii, all the Christmas gifts, and ten pit bull puppies.

"We got home, it was late at night, so we were hootin' and hollerin' and carryin' on, and I noticed the front window was broken, and I thought, those damn dogs! Somehow they must have gotten out of their crates and knocked over the tree, and it broke the window."

She was wrong.

* * *

Erin and her husband owned two docile, friendly, and lovable pit bull adults, Capone, and Envy. On the eve of their vet appointments to get fixed, the female, Envy, got pregnant. In October, they were greeted with eleven gorgeous pit bull puppies. While initially overwhelmed, Erin has worked tirelessly to try and find homes for them, placing ads and imploring neighbors and friends to ask around.

* * *

In November, a young woman showed up and knocked on her door, asking about the pit bull puppies. She said she knew of a friend of a friend who really wanted some pit bull puppies.

"I was initially nervous, because she was kind of shady," Erin said, "but I really wanted to find a home for these puppies." She asked the woman to come back in a week, and she did.

Only this time, the woman was not as friendly. "She had a big truck, and on the front, there was a sticker that read, "This ain't my man's truck, and something on the back that read 'I'm a [expletive]." The woman told Erin that "these dogs are mine," and that "I already got people lined up for these dogs." Erin dismissed the woman and decided that there was no way she was going to let go of the ten puppies without making sure they had good homes.

* * *

When she entered her house after seeing the broken window, Erin and her husband realized they had been robbed. They found both adult dogs safe in their crates, with one puppy hiding behind Capone's crate. The house had been ransacked. The Christmas tree was tipped over, all the gifts were gone, and no puppies remained. They went outside to the front porch, and called the police. The police told them not to enter the house. Instead, they were to wait outside for the police to arrive. This sounded strange, but they complied. When the police finally showed up, things began to become even more strange.

* * *

Part Two coming soon!

Keep on Rockin' In The Free World!

When Operation Desert Storm began in January of 1991, I was a senior in high school. I can remember well, it was a Monday night, and my parents sent me up to the Erickson's Super Valu in Maple Grove, MN, to buy milk. I'm pretty sure it was the week before the Super Bowl.
In any case, on my way there, in my mom's 1989 sweet Cadillac SedanDeVille, I was listening to KQRS, and the song, "Keep On Rockin' In The Free World," by Neil Young came on. In the middle of the song, with no warning, KQ interrupted the song for the speech by the original President Bush. He announced that the "liberation of Iraq" had begun. The irony of that song being played at the time would not hit me for many years, but the immediacy of that moment is hard to forget.
When I returned home, the new "war" dominated the family conversation. I don't remember if we talked about it that night, but in the days that followed, at school, there was a very real strange fear, that all of us could be drafted and sent to the gulf. I can remember a sense of urgency to complete my college choice plans, because if I didn't, it was possible, that if the war escalated, that I could be drafted and sent to the gulf.
Quite obviously now, there never was going to be a draft for that war, but, to an 18-year old man with no plans for the future, it seemed possible, even just for several days. Parents who started that rumor, no doubt had the best of intentions. They, selfishly, just wanted their kid to hurry up and get his college plans in order, and were more than happy to use the latest domestic scare to make their kids do what they wanted. After all, graduation was just a few months away! After about two weeks, and many hours of watching bombs fall down chimneys on CNN, it was very clear, that this "war" would be over in short order, and that a draft was not possible.

* * *

Today, your president obama announced that if his "stimulus" package is not passed right away, "This recession might linger for years. Our economy will lose 5 million more jobs. Unemployment will approach double digits. Our nation will sink deeper into a crisis that, at some point, we may not be able to reverse." He had published these comments in an article titled, "The Action Americans Need." he then went on to say "I reject these theories, and so did the American people when they went to the polls in November and voted resoundingly for change."

I decided to look into this, and I wondered, what is really in this bill that he is so desperate to convince me to accept? I visited http://readthestimulus.org.

Will America sink deeper into a non-reversible crisis if we don't spend $10M for bike trails? Will America be able to un-reverse itself if we don't spend $400 Million on so-called "climate change" research? If we don't spend $1.5 Billion on so-called "green schools" will America cease to exist as we know it?

If we don't spend $1 Billion, (with a B) to follow-up on the 2010 census, (which hasn't even happened yet,) will the American Way come to a screeching halt? How about spending $2 Billion (with a B) on National Parks? I like National Parks, but how is that going to help anyone stay in their home, or keep their job? And so on.

* * *

If you take all the total amount of money they are talking about spending, and divide it by the total number of families in America, it works out to be about $10,000.00 per family. Now let's say those dinks in Congress actually had to borrow that money from the American people for all of those stupid things that will never stimulate the economy.

Wouldn't they be better off just giving everyone a $10,000.00 tax credit? If you were a wage-earner, you would see that in your very next paycheck. If you own your own business, and knew you didn't have to pay $10,000.00 in taxes this year, you would spend it right away, wouldn't you? I know I would probably buy a new car this year.

Maybe you wouldn't. Maybe, you would save it, or use it to pay down your credit cards. Either way, it's better than "$650,000,000, for reconstruction, capital improvement, decommissioning, and maintenance of 21 forest roads, bridges and trails" (on page 119).

* * *

Your congress is about to spend the most money evah! Suppose, you believe that Jesus was born on December 25, 1 B.C.. If you spent $1 Million Dollars each day, between that day and today, you still would not have spent the amount of money that they are talking about spending tomorrow night when the bill comes up for a vote. And we haven't even gotten into the economic consequences of that, which anyone who took high school economics would clearly understand. But hey, change comes at a price, right?

* * *

Every time there is a "crisis," most people make the mistake of overreacting to it. If you think back upon the worst decisions of your life, whether it involves a relationship, a bad wager, a tattoo, an employment decision, or bad purchase, I'll bet you made those bad decisions because of emotion, and because you thought you were in a "crisis." It never occurred to you that the choice of doing nothing is also a choice.

* * *

The parents who started the rumors about us being drafted into the Gulf War, I'm sure had the best intentions, but they also were selfish. They wanted the best for their kids, but they also wanted their kids to get into the best colleges so bad, that they were happy to deceive us into believing something they knew to be untrue.

Ah, the irony!

"Make no mistake, tax cheaters cheat us all, and the IRS should enforce our laws to the letter."--Sen. Tom Daschle, Congressional Record, May 7, 1998, p. S4507.

How in the world does someone, a senator, mind-you, accidentally fail to pay more than $120,000 in taxes?

And then everybody acts like it was a simple little mistake, and that "nobody's perfect?"

Daschle even has the unmitigated gall to call his "mistake" "unintentional."